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Photo by Ksenia Yakovleva

The Sun Will Rise Another Day - The Emotional Impact of Betrayal on Discovery Day

by Vanessa Cardenas, Trusted Advisor for Betrayal & Transformation

Is there a Hallmark card to commemorate Discovery Day (D-Day) the day when your whole world shattered in an instant?

To be clear, for me the definition of infidelity is breaking the trust that occurs when you keep intimate, meaningful secrets from your significant other.

Yeap, that’s what my husband did. He ripped my heart out of my chest, threw it on the floor, and stomped on it repeatedly.

There’s no freedom in minimizing what happened this day years ago or in trying to forget but remembering and honoring are very different from remaining stuck in shame, guilt, anger, resentment, or fear of the past.

I was neck-deep in the misery of my husband’s making. I was seething, raging, weeping, and wallowing in the sewage. I was completely unrecognizable, he was too. At the time, the pain caused by his behavior just seemed too much for me to bear, let alone forgive, no matter how much I loved him.

I was sick from the emotional rollercoaster ride I rode non-stop for weeks while W T F continuously reverberated in my head. The movie of our 30+ years together played over and over again so I could look for clues as to why he did this to me. 

How to keep moving forward in the face of betrayal? It required courage and lovingly accepting circumstances beyond my control. I had to learn that although betrayal was done to me, it wasn’t about me.  

With the wisdom of so many greats, I had hope.  Hope allowed me to live in the present instead of the past and to unlock the doors of my mental prison where I sentenced myself.  The worst prison was the one I built for myself brick by brick layered with his betrayal behaviors.

Everything that’s happened to me, all the choices I’ve made until now, all the ways I tried to cope, it all mattered because it brought me to this moment. The ultimate key to freedom is to keep becoming who you truly are.

It’s been years. This day on the calendar still nudges me. I don’t refer to it as a trigger but rather an old hurt reinserting itself, a gentle reminder, as if I could forget.

I stayed, I chose to, and while some days are hard, it does get better.

I didn't walk away but chose to stay by his side as he worked very hard to be a better man. Some choose to walk away. That's what they decided.  That is what is most important; the right to choose, regardless of the choice.

I know he cheated. He knows it, too. 

I know how badly he hurt me and our children, as does he. 

I know that if it happens again, I’m gone in a heartbeat, he is well aware. 

Those are my boundaries and with those firmly in place, I am accepting of all his efforts to rebuild. I do love him, and I do enjoy our time together. I will never forget, but I work hard not to let it be a thorn in my side each day. 

I am grateful, odd to say it, but I actually am. Without this shove, I would still be who I was. I so love who I am now. As I help others navigate the sewers of betrayal, I shine the flashlight and show the way to possibilities for recovery.  I reclaimed myself, I bounced back, empowered and resilient.

You will find peace.
                          You will figure out your worth and what you can take.
                                          And you will find out just how strong you really are.

All of this is to say that you are not alone. I am sorry that you have gone looking for specialized help like this, but I am also so grateful that you found me.

I have been where you are and I am on the other side with a map and a flashlight.  Together, we will get you through all the feelings that you have, because there are, and will be, many along your journey.

the physical impact of betrayal

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Empowering Books for Healing and Recovery: Discover Vanessa Cardenas' Insights as the Trusted Advisor for Betrayal & Transformation

Dealing with the Devastation of Your Partner's Betrayal:

How to Talk to Your Kids, Parents, In-Laws, Friends, and Others

Betrayal book by Vanessa Cardenas
E-book Got betrayed immediate action steps to take today

Dealing with the Devastation of Your Partner's Betrayal

How to Talk to Your Kids, Parents, In-Laws, Friends, and Others

Over 500 Ways to Talk to a New Man After Betrayal

Great conversation starters!

Betrayal book by Vanessa Cardenas
E-book Got betrayed immediate action steps to take today

Got Betrayed?

Don't know what to do?

You are not alone!

Immediate Action Steps

Quick Guide

Meet the Guide: Vanessa Cardenas, Your Trusted Advisor for Betrayal & Transformation

Vanessa Cardenas, Trusted Advisor for Betrayal & Transformation

Vanessa Cardenas, Trusted Advisor for Betrayal & Transformation

Vanessa Cardenas, Trusted Advisor for Betrayal & Transformation

Vanessa Cardenas is a Trusted Advisor for Betrayal and Transformation who specializes in guiding clients through the difficult and isolating experiences of betrayal, loss, and heartbreak. Vanessa offers a safe and empathetic space for those feeling overwhelmed, devastated, or alone, with a commitment to helping clients transform their pain into lasting liberation and profound change. 

Vanessa's own journey of growth and self-discovery began when her 20+ year marriage was shattered by betrayal, which prompted her to seek wisdom and guidance from renowned experts in the field. Drawing on insights from experts such as Esther Perel, Edith Eger, Debi Silber, Michelle Mays, Dennis Ortman, and Katherine Woodward Thomas, as well as her Industrial Psychology degree, a 20-year career in C-Suite Leadership and Mentoring, and her Evercoach Certification, recognized by the International Coaching Federation, Vanessa is well-equipped to help clients navigate their unique situations. 

Vanessa warmly welcomes clients at any stage of their journey, whether they are grappling with the shock and grief of betrayal, seeking clarity about staying or leaving, navigating separation or divorce, or addressing unhealthy relationship dynamics. With her warmth, intuition, and insight, she brings wisdom and compassion to the healing process, enabling her clients to experience wholeness, well-being, and freedom they never thought possible, one powerful chat at a time.

"The most important things are the hardest to say…locked within, not for the want of a teller, but for the want of an Understanding Ear"– Stephen King, The Body

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