Bargaining in the Depths of Discovery
By Vanessa Cardenas, Trusted Advisor for Betrayal & Transformation
There are times on this healing journey through intimate partner betrayal when you will wonder if you could have been more loving, more sexy, more fun, or more understanding. More forgiving That practice is called bargaining. Mm-hmm. This is the mind game of all mind games, as you, the betrayed, will rack your brain trying to rationalize how it's possible that you somehow made your partner cheat on you.
I'll let you process that for a moment.
It's like you are constantly trying to balance an unbalanced equation, and you still cannot wrap your mind around it. You ask yourself, Did you show enough affection? Did you consider them enough? Could you have been better in bed? Or what if you didn't do that thing that annoyed the crap out of your partner so much, even one less time, would it have altered the course of history between the two of you?
You will run countless simulations in your head of how you could have done all sorts of things differently to perhaps bring out a different outcome, only to be faced with the damning reality that you'll never know if it would have been any better anyway.
But here's the mind game of all mind games: You continue to run through the scenarios anyway. You can't bargain with betrayal because it never makes sense.
The next time you're feeling tempted to bargain, just remember you've already given everything you had and he still betrayed you. You aren't to blame because you didn't know that he didn't know how to control himself.
It's not your fault.
Vanessa Cardenas, Trusted Advisor for Betrayal & Transformation
Vanessa Cardenas, Trusted Advisor for Betrayal & Transformation
Empowering Books for Healing and Recovery: Discover Vanessa Cardenas' Insights as the Trusted Advisor for Betrayal & Transformation
Meet the Guide: Vanessa Cardenas, Your Trusted Advisor for Betrayal & Transformation
Vanessa Cardenas, Trusted Advisor for Betrayal & Transformation
Vanessa Cardenas, Trusted Advisor for Betrayal & Transformation
Vanessa Cardenas is a Trusted Advisor for Betrayal and Transformation who specializes in guiding clients through the difficult and isolating experiences of betrayal, loss, and heartbreak. Vanessa offers a safe and empathetic space for those feeling overwhelmed, devastated, or alone, with a commitment to helping clients transform their pain into lasting liberation and profound change.
Vanessa's own journey of growth and self-discovery began when her 20+ year marriage was shattered by betrayal, which prompted her to seek wisdom and guidance from renowned experts in the field. Drawing on insights from experts such as Esther Perel, Edith Eger, Debi Silber, Michelle Mays, Dennis Ortman, and Katherine Woodward Thomas, as well as her Industrial Psychology degree, a 20-year career in C-Suite Leadership and Mentoring, and her Evercoach Certification, recognized by the International Coaching Federation, Vanessa is well-equipped to help clients navigate their unique situations.
Vanessa warmly welcomes clients at any stage of their journey, whether they are grappling with the shock and grief of betrayal, seeking clarity about staying or leaving, navigating separation or divorce, or addressing unhealthy relationship dynamics. With her warmth, intuition, and insight, she brings wisdom and compassion to the healing process, enabling her clients to experience wholeness, well-being, and freedom they never thought possible, one powerful chat at a time.
"The most important things are the hardest to say…locked within, not for the want of a teller, but for the want of an Understanding Ear"– Stephen King, The Body