By Vanessa Cardenas, Trusted Advisor for Betrayal & Transformation

I was referred to a woman who had recently discovered betrayal after 27 years of marriage. Although I said little in the first few minutes of our Zoom meeting, she rattled off pleasantries and gratitude for seeing her on short notice. I nodded. “I’ve heard that you are…. really good at what you do…and I hope you…can fix me.” Her voice cracked as she finally let go and started to cry.

“Please fix me”

I let her sit for a minute as I knew how difficult it was to be so vulnerable, especially to a total stranger.

She wiped away her tears and apologized, repeatedly saying she promised herself not to cry.

I reassured her that crying was an occupational hazard, and I’ve been known to shed a tear or two as well. That generated a brief smile.

I then began, “Perhaps there is a misunderstanding, I can’t fix you”.

Whatever composure she had mustered up gave way to sobs.

I continued “You see, there is nothing wrong with you. Allow me to repeat that, there is nothing wrong with you. Something terrible has happened to you. Would you agree?

“Yes!” she quickly replied between sniffles.

I paused, “Yes to what?”

“Something terrible happened”

“Yes, and do you agree that nothing is wrong with you?”

She hesitated, “I don’t understand, I’m broken, I need you to fix me”.

“Will you allow me to explain?

“Of course”, she replied.

“When I was betrayed, I desperately wanted to be fixed. I came to realize that if you want a “fixer”, you’ll always feel that there is something wrong with you, and that you don’t have the inner resources you needed to heal. That you can’t bear what you are enduring. That you are small, weak, clingy, desperate, and needy.

Even if your fixer has the best intentions, you’ll feel like a child. They will offer clever complex concepts, convoluted philosophies, complicated answers, and/or textbook or googled advice to fix you. A fixer does just that….fixes…however, fixing is not healing.

You will feel more alone.

Simply put, I help women heal from intimate partner betrayal.

I come from a place of lived-through experiences.

I know that women are stronger and can bear more than they realize. Most women are capable, wise, and more courageous than they know or give themselves credit for.

I give women space.

Space to feel, to hurt, to tolerate, to process all the emotions, and allow the pain to move through for deeper healing.

I give women breathing room to touch the deepest trauma, find their courage, push themselves into scary dark places, start to tolerate the seemingly intolerable, bear the seemly unbearable, and survive the intensity of the moment.

I help women prove to themselves how strong they are.

How will I help you heal?

I am present so you can move through the crisis and start healing. You can fall knowing you will be caught, that it is ok that you are not OK. And, you have permission to let it all out.

I listen, so you can better hear yourself, learn to trust your intuition, and your authentic feelings, and step into those scary places within, with loving awareness.

Your words are not drowned out by mine. Your feelings are not replaced by mine. Your resiliency grows. Your dreams become clearer. Your gut learns to speak up for itself. You become comfortable in your own skin. You start to heal.

You see, there is nothing wrong with you. Something terrible has happened to you.

Would you agree?”

And as she wiped away tears, she replied “Yes, will you help me heal?”

Here is her testimonial of our work together…

Vanessa is truly amazing. Her approach brought me clarity and direction. I came to her utterly lost, broken, confused, and deeply conflicted as to whether to stay in my marriage. With guided support and a truly empathic ear, she helped me fill the gap between where I was and where I so desperately wanted to be. She helped me identify my true fear, which wasn’t what I thought it was when we first met.

Without judgment, she brought me clarity so I could see the direction I truly wanted to take.

She held me accountable in the crafted plan we developed to reach my highest dreams, not only in my marriage but in all aspects of my life.

In six short months, my whole world completely transformed. Vanessa gave me the confidence and encouragement to be the best version of myself.

I remain forever grateful.

Valerie M.

New York